How to Leave the Planet

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713)483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.
2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House - (202)456-1414 - to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlim (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.
4. If that fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His phone number is 011-39-6-6986, and I gather his switchboard is infallible.
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arives.

From A Guide To The Guide - Some unhelpful remarks from the author, in The Umtimate Hitchhiker's Guide by Douglas Adams
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